Love to life~

I visited GURNEY POPULAR BOOKSTORE yesterday for 3hours~
It's bigger and bigger and bigger than the bookstore in Alor Star here~It's amazed and a little bit shocked and surprised~
Rusa masuk ke kampung
A best phrase to describe me when i entered the shop~
Directionless~
Not because i disliked it ,but i didnt know where to start for searching~

I heard a song at the counter there~
A song which is sung by a little girl-JACKIE EVANCHO
She is much younger than me,I guessed she was around 8 or 10years old?
Her sound was amazed,fascinated and marvellous~
Not even a best word to describe it ~
I was shocked and totally blanked in my little mind~
Mature sound came from a small girl body and throat?

I like opera
How could she reached such a high pitch?Peak of her key?Nope,Its higher than it~
She was trained when she was young?maybe?Its nature and a give from GOD when she was born?maybe

I admire her,in my soul ,in my spirit,in my heart
She was brave
to find her meaning in life,to work hard for her little dream
I want to gv her a big and sincere applause if i'm at the concert ~
I will cry for her~
It's uneasy for a little girl to stand on the stage and face so many audience there and the stingent judges~
I'm a coward~
Truly,i dont hv courageness to endure with troubles and problems
I will just try to run away and cry and stand there and shout~
NOT BECAUSE I COULDNT UNDERSTAND ,BUT JUST I DONT WANT~
I keep circling at the starting point ~
I will stop at the middle  whenever i meet with my problems and refuse to continue to the ending point?
At last,i blame myself

my holiday life -with the accompany of my computer

I cn only use a word to describe my holiday life ,that is"irregular lifestyle"
What i do everyday ?is just locking myself in my messy and dirty room....
I have nothing to do!lazy for revision,unwilling to clean up my room,reluctant to out for a slight breath...
I feel regretful to myself and sometimes hate myself too~
I dont have a strong will to control myself from temptation ~
I dont !i dont!i dont!
Maybe that is the result from stressing myself too much 
I have such a long period for not even touching my computer,nope~is my internet!
I think my health getting worse and worse as the radioactive ray keep radiating to my body cell~
I even burn the midnight oil just to watch that korean drama which i seldom watch~
Bad right?This is the way i spend my holiday~
Meaningless~Boring~ and Lazy~
Just to relax and de-stress

new day~new life~new sunrise

It's 2353 at night~

I'm just back from penang~

I took a ferry,and took this chance to watch the panorama of the sea~

Let me count ,how seldomness i watched the sea view,especially sea view at night?

Since that langkawi trip

I miss sea,I miss the sound of peacefulness of tides and waves,i miss the flowing of seawater ~

I felt myself belong to the sea naturally when i was born

I calm myself ,I find my own target of future when i looked at the sea~

I wish this moment come always~

The seashells i collected has been kept in my room for an extremely long period~

I havent touch them yet and i felt regretful to them~

They should be released to their home,the sea or the seaside

let the flowing water bring them home and let them enjoy the happiness in the hug of the sea mother~

I felt comfortable ,a feeling which havent come and fill my heart for a long time already~

I want to start a new life,get myself a refreshment and nourishment ,fight for my future and enjoy the life~

That's what i want,That's what i wish,That's what i hope,That's what i dream.....

SUCCEED

MIRACLE

DREAM

FULFILL

I welcome you all to go into my life 

SUNRISE

I want you to appear all that time whenever I wake up and open my eyes

SOUL OF THE SEA AND THE SOUND OF FLOWING OF SEAWISH

I want you to accompany me always and bring me to correct path in life and tackle my problems

INSOMNIA

I want you to disappear now and then~

ANXIOUS

I will try to overcome you and protect myself just like a mother chicken

Let the sunrice replace the sunset 

Let the brightness replace the darkness and sadness in my heart and my spirit

A lot of lesson and a lot of feelings i gain ,i got through my heart belongs.....sea

混

我醒了
呼吸依旧虚弱
身体依旧疼痛
我的双脚已绑上石膏，我的脑袋还有些混乱，我的肚子还有些疤痕（医生说是手术后造成的）~
是撞伤后的痕迹，是零零碎碎的记忆，是浑沌一片的思绪，是悲喜交集的心情~
我被困在床上，无法下行，无法翻身，无法伸展双手，好痛苦~
眼神呆滞的我，痴痴望着天花板，尝试集中我的思绪~
天花板很白，很淡，很单调，一块一块的板子接在一起，眼珠子的转动让它变得万花筒般，一时变大又变小，有时更模模糊糊，看清了又看不清？
怎么会这样？？
我的视线怎会如此模糊，我的心怎会如此漂泊不定,发生什么事啦？
我不是做个梦，打个盹儿，睡个觉罢了吗？
现实虚幻混杂在一起，我快疯了，头脑快暴
手，忍着痛，我捂在胸前，抚摸着心脏，还好，心还在，脉搏还清晰，否则我会怀疑我的心早已消失~
我该笑吗？笑说我醒了，还可以看看我的世界
我该哭吗？哭说我醒了，却必须看清虚弱的自己
我只能-沉默，傻笑....
泪断了线，一滴从泛红的眼睛，飘到我的耳际~

苏醒

我躺在病床上~不，应该说我躺在满园芬芳，流水花开的草原上
很漂亮，很舒服，很自由~
我仰望天空，又俯瞰四周，有我爱的鸟鸣声，潺潺流水声，我最喜欢风笛乐声萦绕耳际~
我感觉我的身体完全地舒畅，紧绷的神经突然松弛下来，就好像弹性的橡皮筋，也好像棉花，更似树上的果实，悬挂了好久，终于挣脱了树的怀抱~
我是一只青鸟，翱翔天际，冲出悬崖勒马，向苍穹驰奔~
我是一颗种子，慢慢生长，挣脱妈妈的“天罗地网”，用双手双脚看看这世界~
我是一只鱼，四处悠游，脱离母亲的口中，在海里漫步~
我是一个婴孩，睁开双眼，冲出母体的“巢穴”，用微弱的呼吸吸入这世界的空气~
我是一位卫兵，刚练好一身功夫，准备冲刺~
我有满腔热情，有远大抱负，有信心勇气，去找寻我人生的意义，去创造我的蔚蓝天空~
这一切很美好，但虚幻.......
它终究，在梦中，活在心中，在体内，在脑海~
我逃不了梦魇，跨不过自己，跃不过障碍，那一切的盲目追求，所谓的自我要求正是我的祸底~
我还是逃不了现实的枷锁，至今如此

何时
身旁的期盼声不在？
何时
换来血淋淋的剖白？
何时
我被逼着看透自己？
何时
身体的疼痛已不及流下的眼泪，鼻涕？

我不要
我不要现实
我不要困惑
我不要迷茫
因此我选择苏醒....
去探究这一切的根源

沉船

我无法接受，那赤裸的事实~
事实太残酷，太理智，太悲伤，如冰，如毒，如霜~
我是一位航海员，乘着帆船在各地海上驰骋，海上风平浪静，半点冷风都没有~
我悠闲地合眼，望着蔚蓝天空，舒服地卧着~
那感觉好平静，好悠闲，好愉快，好自在~
却在我想安睡时，巨响震破我的耳，敲碎我的心，
船只撞到冰山，碰！碰！很清晰，很锐利，很深刻！
是把刀划破白天，是把箭射穿船身，是把玻璃割破帆布，是把毒烟弥漫薰人！
那一刻，船身撞击的那一刻，脑海一片空白
我会沉下去吗？我会死吗？我会昏迷吗？
还是
我有救了？我幸运？
我依旧阖上双眼，依旧选择回避，依旧沉溺那一段喝茶时光.....
事实杀了我，把我五马分尸，草草地把我丢进一个大深坑。
其实我的灵还在，我的魂还醒，我的身体尚有气息，我的双脚还在，我还爬得起来
事实太无情，淌血，流泪，心酸....是命运交响曲的悲腔
殊不知事实只看见你的成果，却埋没了当初航海的勇气与信心~
太不公平~
我无法承受，只能逃避，只能把自己封闭起来，只能活生生地接受
眼泪太顽固，眼神太无奈~
最后
我被救起
躺在医院昏迷，我声旁太多期盼的眼神，盼我可以为自己抓住一块浮木，苏醒~
太刺眼，太热情，太耀眼~
我很矛盾，我究竟想怎样？我厌恨批评，我承受不起鼓励，我是谁？我为谁？我的意义？
就让我继续浮沉下去吧~